HOLLYWOOD, CA: A local billionaire recently announced a plan to benefit the homeless. Specifically, 27-year-old Walter Stanton's non-profit organization targets those who constantly talk to themselves.
"I got the idea while walking the streets in search of a dream," said Stanton, who describes himself as "independently wealthy." "I saw a man thoroughly engaged in a serious conversation. Only, he was only talking to himself."
Stanton watched this man for several minutes when the idea struck him like a bolt of lightning. "The only difference between this man and most of society is that this man does not own a Bluetooth. In fact, if he had a Bluetooth, no one would give the man a second thought. While the content of his speech is extremely questionable, the fact that he's saying it to somebody--instead of, clearly nobody--makes all the difference in the world."
Thus, the Handsfree Justice Project was born.
Stanton, who solely funds the non-profit, believes his contribution will help the homeless monologuers fit into society. If we believe they're talking to somebody, we won't think they're crazy, and we're more likely to give them a dollar, a job, or at least a smile.
"And all it takes is a Bluetooth."
Thus, the Handsfree Justice Project was born.
Stanton, who solely funds the non-profit, believes his contribution will help the homeless monologuers fit into society. If we believe they're talking to somebody, we won't think they're crazy, and we're more likely to give them a dollar, a job, or at least a smile.
"And all it takes is a Bluetooth."
Stanton likens himself to a certain superhero. "I'm like Batman, but not. See, Batman helps crazy people by snatching them up and putting them back in the asylum. I help crazy people by helping them fit into society, so they don't have to go back to the asylum.
"Of course, Batman still provides a valuable service when the crazy person is, you know, a murderous criminal. But I don't think there is much danger that our roles in society will overlap. If the Joker tries to get a free Bluetooth off me, I'll know by his facepaint that a Bluetooth alone isn't going to help. Plus, he's like a super villian. He can steal the cash for one or steal one himself. He doesn't need my help."
So far, Stanton has distributed about twelve Bluetooth devices. "I'm not trying to be selective, but I have had a bit of trouble convincing these crazy jerks to take the Bluetooths. It's not just that they won't shut up long enough. One of them in particular is a bit of a conspiracy theorist, and somehow believes I'm attaching a microphone to his face so the government can spy on him. He's managed to spread the word and it's really fouled up my efforts.
"Hopefully we can get the word out. There's a lot of good to be done here. Acceptance in society is a big deal, especially if you don't have a place to live, or your sanity."
So far, Stanton has distributed about twelve Bluetooth devices. "I'm not trying to be selective, but I have had a bit of trouble convincing these crazy jerks to take the Bluetooths. It's not just that they won't shut up long enough. One of them in particular is a bit of a conspiracy theorist, and somehow believes I'm attaching a microphone to his face so the government can spy on him. He's managed to spread the word and it's really fouled up my efforts.
"Hopefully we can get the word out. There's a lot of good to be done here. Acceptance in society is a big deal, especially if you don't have a place to live, or your sanity."
